Social Anxiety - How New People See Us

“Back home, Connell's shyness never seemed like much of an obstacle to his social life, because everyone knew who he was already, and there was never any need to introduce himself or create impressions about his personality. If anything his personality seemed like something external to himself, managed by the opinions of others, rather than anything he individually did or produced. Now he has a sense of invisibility, nothingness, with no reputation to recommend him to anyone.”

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This extract from Normal People by Sally Rooney really resonated with me. Struggling to portray the version of yourself that your close friends see to new people in unfamiliar settings has been something that I have found particularly challenging in the past, and still to do to a degree. It is often a jarring sensation to feel the contrast of one's behaviour around close friends compared to strangers or new groups. The feedback loop of social anxiety obstructs the confidence necessary for more natural and authentic outward behaviour. Consequently, there is a deprivation of assuredness that unfamiliar people have gained an accurate perception of the person you wish to be seen as.